God's design for sex
What better day to talk about sex than on Valentine’s Day? Christians are often synonymous with abstinence (abstaining from sex before marriage) and the world shakes it head and wonders why. You might’ve heard the phrase, “try before you buy,” or “it’s okay to have sex as long as you’re in love/not hurting anybody.” However, as a Christian, as with everything in our life, we must look at sex through the Christian lens. We must look at sex according to God’s design.
Sex is beautiful
Oh, you are beautiful, my darling!… You are altogether beautiful, my darling! There is no blemish in you! (Song of Songs 4:1-7 NIV)
While the world has turned sex into an idol, as it has been designed by God, sex is beautiful in it’s own time. Even the Bible says so in the book of Songs of Songs, or Songs of Solomon. Song of Songs is a rare book in that it’s the only Old Testament book that isn’t directly related to God’s law or covenant. As a book of poetry, it’s also unlike the rest like Proverbs and Psalms which are concerned with attaining and teaching wisdom. Song of Songs is a dialogue between two lovers as they explore their love for one another. From chapter four, we learn three things about sex.
Sex is worth the wait
Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right. (Song of Songs 3:5 NLT)
Even in the context of the Song of Songs, the two lovers appear to be newly married as the author refers to the woman as “his bride”. As it’s implied, we know that this is how God designed sex to be; shared between a husband and wife. It’s also obvious to the reader that the two lovers are obviously in love. There is no distinction between sex and love here.
Sex is to be enjoyed freely and truly
Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. (Song of Songs 4:16 NIV)
As we continue to read chapter four, we find a beautiful image of consensual, free and genuine intimacy between the two lovers. There’s no shame or hurt here in their relationship as they open up to one another. In verse 16, we read that the bride is comfortable enough to give herself freely and wholly to the bridegroom. Many problems arise when we view sex outside of God’s design. People are hurt. Sex can be weaponised. Relationships become complicated. Within God’s design, there wouldn’t be any emotional hurt or manipulation when it comes to sex. If we acknowledge that God designed sex, then we must adhere by the rules he gives regarding it.
If you struggle with seeing sex through God’s eyes (that is if you struggle with addiction, lust or self control), turn your eyes away. Rely not on your own strength but the strength from the Holy Spirit. Turn to a trusted friend who you can be honest and open with regarding temptation. Above all, submit all expectations to God so that when the times comes, you know it will be in his perfect timing.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you that everything you design is perfect in its own way. Thank you that you have designed sex to be beautiful in the right time. Help me to trust in your timing. Help me to flee from the devil and his temptations. Help me to reach out to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ when I struggle. Help me to keep my eyes fixed on you.
In Jesus’ mighty name I pray,
Amen.